Unlike most of modern civilization, I'm not crazy about the idea of the new year being a chance at a whole new life...like HERE'S YOU, NEW AND IMPROVED! In the grand scheme of things I guess the passing of each year is kind of exciting; for example, does anyone else feel like we're living in *THE FUTURE* right now?!? "2009" sounds like the perfect year for some futuristic sci-fi horror movie to be set in, doesn't it? But really, what does the beginning of a new year actually mean to most of us?? A brand new chance to fail at self-improvement? A half-assed goal of self-discovery botched by the mundanity of reality? Don't get me wrong, I'm all for both self-improvement AND self-discovery...I just don't pretend to do it every year on January 1st.
I pretend to do it all year long!
I've spent most of my adult life waiting to feel like a 'grownup', with varied results. There are certainly moments when I'm blown away by my maturity and ability to handle life's little shit storms, but there are just as many times that I feel like a twelve year old kid nervously reading lines off a cue card: "Being a mother is totally fulfilling!" "This isn't terrifying at all!" "I'm so happy!"
Maybe underneath all the resolutions and self-discovery bullshit we're all just trying to find the most sincere way to read our lines without being discovered as frauds. I'm sure I'm just as full of shit as anyone else. And the closest I'll come to a new year's resolution this year is deciding to admit it, publicly.
Wish me luck.
